Because This is My First Life (2017)

Brilliant in unexpected ways

This was one of the first K-Dramas I have ever finished and it left a very lasting impression on me so even though I might be late to the party, I really wanted to write a review about this show.

Because This Is My First Ife is both: Very flawed and kind of amazing. When I started watching this show, I was kind of turned off by the unrealistic premise. I was expecting just another cheesy romance. Which it definitely is, don’t get me wrong. But there is something more to this drama. And I don’t think the show itself realizes, how brilliant it actually is at times.

This is a drama that really stands out because of its writing. Ji-ho's monologue is oftentimes moving, poignant, heartbreaking, and always so real. Even though this show has such an out-there premise, I was shocked by how much I could relate to the things she said and the observations she made. That's because, while this show at first glance looks like your typical Korean coming of age-romance, it is so much more than that.
On the surface, Because This IS My First Life is just about a group of friends navigating life and the meaning of marriage. The core message of the drama lies in the title, it’s their first life, they don’t know what they’re doing but they’ll figure it out together.
But under the surface, this is a story, specifically about women trying to find their role in a patriarchal society.

We have Ji-ho, who grew up in a traditional East-Asian household, that valued her and her mom less because of their gender. As a result, she struggles to speak up for herself and lives sort of aimlessly. She’s extremely inexperienced in love and seems to pretty much have given up on it entirely, which is why she is so willing to marry someone out of financial convenience. Problems arise in her marriage after she is starting to fall in love with her husband but is not comfortable with fulfilling the societal role that is expected of a wife. She doesn’t want to heal See-he’s past wounds, she doesn’t want to be responsible for fixing his relationship with his family or take care of all the household duties. She knows that being the perfect daughter-in-law won’t heal him but rather that it would result in the loveless marriage of her parents where her mother constantly has to hold back and simply accept her dad’s verbal abuse. Ji-ho feels like the gender roles assigned to husband and wife not only harm her but also her relationship with See-he which is why she makes the deliberate choice to divorce him, so they can rekindle their relationship again, on their own terms. That she’s willing to take that step, is a sign of her character progression. She sues the man that harassed her and makes the selfish, but the right choice to leave See-he, finally putting herself first.
We have Woo Su-Ji, who is generally outspoken, confident, and honest but who has to tolerate the harassment she faces at work because she can’t risk her job. She knows that if anything goes wrong, she’ll be fired first, knows that she has to work twice as hard because of her gender. Being outspoken is a privilege that a woman in an office environment simply can’t afford. And since most men in her life really seem to suck, she doesn’t really trust them or tries to build meaningful relationships with them. When she finally meets a guy, she actually likes, she struggles to let him close and let her walls down. She’s used to being belittled by men, which is why she’s so scared of showing any signs of weakness and is only looking for meaningless sex. As her relationship with CEO Ma progresses, she learns to be vulnerable, learns that letting her guard down doesn’t mean that she has to give up her values. Su-ji’s character progresses but she doesn’t get any less fierce. Quite the opposite actually, her relationship makes her stronger, and she finally gathers the courage to quit her awful job.
Then we have Ho-rang who wants to get married so she can feel like “She made it” and belongs somewhere. She loves her boyfriend but is scared of the relationship going nowhere, which is a valid fear. At the same time, she also wants a wedding for artificial reasons. She knows her boyfriend loves her but things like social status still matter to her. She fears that people look down on her because she’s still unmarried. She’s a red coat, that wants to be a black coat, wants to conform. But even when she does meet a guy who wants to instantly marry her, who seems to be able to provide the secure life she longs for, she’s not fulfilled. She ultimately realizes that conformity isn’t worth sacrificing her happiness and while her arc ends with her long-term boyfriend finally agreeing to marry her, she also spent their time apart learning something about herself.

Korea is a country defined by neo-Confucianism a philosophy that values the collective above the individual. That has its advantages, for example when you’re in a global pandemic and trying to convince the people in your country that wearing masks is a good idea and that we should protect one another but it also has its disadvantages, like when you never really allowed to live freely the fear of disrupting the collective, the status-quo. Korea still has a long way to go in terms of women’s rights. Belittlement at the workplace is very common, women are usually expected to quit their job after getting married and having children anyways, so they rarely are in any leading positions and have to work harder to prove their worth to the company. This also results in the fact, that women in South Korea are way more likely to fall into poverty. Women are disadvantaged by the National Pension System because, since they are basically responsible for childcare in South Korea, only about 30% of them have pension rights. Reporting sexism is also generally frowned upon since you have to protect the company, you the individual, can’t do anything that might hurt the collective, even if you’re objectively getting mistreated.
Likewise, Ji-ho is just expected to mend her marriage, no matter how unhappy she is with the role she was assigned because again, she’s the individual and has to just take it to protect the collective, the family. This shows that patriarchal structures are everywhere, not just in our workplace but also in our homes and heads.
I was especially impressed with the scenes with Ji-hos mother, which show the sacrifices women have to make. When she hears the news that her daughter is getting married, she is scared that Ji-ho is giving up her dreams. She fears that her daughter will make the same mistakes as her for a life in conformity. It’s actually heartbreaking to watch, as Ji-ho reads her mom’s letter addresses to See-he and for the first time fully realized what her mom had to give up, so she could live comfortably.

In no way is Because This Is My First Life a perfect show and perfect example for feminist story-telling. The last two episodes are a bit of a confusing mess, and the disagreements between the two leads feel extremely forced to create some kind of emotional climax that the show didn’t really need. There’s also a whole arc about a stalker, that is so dumb that I blanked out for the entirety of it. Ji-ho still constantly has to get saved by See-he, which isn’t the girl boss narrative I was hoping for. I also don’t love that Ho-rang’s arc ended with marriage when it really should have ended with her realizing that she doesn’t need to conform.
Still, when I watched this show, I was really impressed by the lengths it went to talk about the female experience. Usually, K-dramas show some kind of female fantasy, where you get hit on by rich chaebols and swept of your feet. But Because This Is My First Life wasn’t interested in that. Instead, it showed you the real, harsh reality of being a woman in the 21st century. It isn’t always dreamy but it won’t change if we don’t talk about it. And this drama does talk about it, it talks about what it feels like to grow up in a patriarchal household, how women have to work harder to earn the respect of their male colleagues, about all the emotional and physical labor that is expected of a wife but ever fully acknowledged.
I love Korean cinema and Korean dramas, I love them so much that I am majoring in Korean studies at university but I have to address that the role of women in K-dramas hasn’t exactly been progressive. In older Korean shows the female lead is usually dumb and naïve and her sole purpose is to heal the cold and often-times downright cruel male lead from his trauma so they can fall in love. They send the message that it is a woman’s job to heal a man and that the greatest thing she can be is a wife. But I was delighted by the women in this show. Not only are they all smart, capable, and widely different from each other, the show makes a point about Ji-ho actually walking away from the emotional labor that is expected of her. She specifically states that she is not interested in healing See-he’s wounds. That a relationship is something that happens between two adults. That is kind of a revolutionary narrative, heck that is something I have yet to witness in a Western show.

I also love that this show dealt with the topic of sexism in such a mature way, something that is rarely talked about in older Korean shows. When a woman gets sexually harassed in an Asian drama, that often sadly happens as a plot device so that the male lead can save her. Or even worse, it happens so the oftentimes abusive male lead looks better in comparison. But Ji-ho essentially saves herself. She walks away from her job, even when they give her a chance to produce her own drama. She also makes the bold choice to sue her harasser. And the show also doesn’t brush off the sexist micro-aggressions the women face but instead, shows how they are part of the problem. It doesn’t victim blame Su-ji either for taking the abuse but instead highlights what she has to lose if she doesn’t keep quiet. It shows that sexism is a multifaceted issue instead of the result of a few singular men.

This is a romance, but what makes this show, are the women, defyining the Asian societal norms one by one. Still, even if you're not looking for a girl-power kind of narrative, this drama has still a lot to offer. I genuinely like the male protagonist here, even if he was outshined by the women and the portrayal of female friendship in this show. I find him quirky and charming. Very rarely do I see a male lead that is cold and kind of off-beat without being incredibly cruel and obnoxious. Heck, I kind of like all the love interests here. And I do like the romance. All the relationships in this show felt believable and mature. There are many swoon-worthy moments that 100% will bring a smile to your face. I was also pleasantly surprised by the humor. The actors all have good chemistry. The OST is pretty catchy. The cinematography doesn't necessarily stand out but it's still solid. All in all, this is a good romance. But it's an even better feminist story.

Since this show aired, the role of women in K-dramas has significantly improved, we now have a whole variety of strong, smart capable female leads to choose from. But in reality, Korea still has a long way to go. Women are still shunned for speaking out against sexism. This is why dramas like these are so important. They start a conversation.
All this and more are things addressed in this show which markets itself as just another romance, but in reality so much more. I didn't expect this drama to move me the way it did. And while it wasn't perfect, for that alone it deserves more recognition.

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