So unapologetically captivating I need to breathe!

Forget the controversy, this drama has just the right amount of grays to take you on a rocky journey to a surprising ending. If you keep an open mind and are not quick to make judgments, it’s sure to delight you in ways you may not expect.

At first, it doesn't look promising because of some unsettling but important narrative elements that make you wonder where it's headed. However, things take a turn by about the middle of Ep3. That's the moment where I fell in love and became obsessed with it like no other Asian BL drama I’ve watched to date (as of 2021). So much that it has compelled me to attempt at writing my first review.

This series is for you if you like character-driven BL dramas with depth and substance. It hits you in the right spot, making it addicting and binge-worthy, with two vastly different individuals, Hira (MC) and Kiyoi (ML), who struggle to figure out who they are and the complexities and beauty of love. They’re portrayed as multifaceted and nuanced. Their personalities are fleshed out to clash but also bring them together. They admit that they're like two dots that don’t overlap. Yet they’re very much drawn to each other early on by a magnetic curiosity to get closer. They’re complimentary at the core but they’re also very much alike. They’re imperfect, alone, and lonely. And they’re also drawn to intensity; they love and protect fiercely.

The plot is simple but more complex in execution. It has layers of small details interwoven into scenes, strategic placement of narration throughout, and controlled pacing in building up to an impactful ending. It unfolds by following HiraKiyo from when they first meet in high school to when they reunite in college. They start off with a stark power imbalance that eventually narrows when Kiyoi brings Hira into his social circle as their lackey. Secretly though, it’s Kiyoi’s way of keeping Hira close so he can find out what Hira wants from him and unintentionally, also shielding Hira from being bullied by others. As they interact more and their feelings lead to more questions, things get complicated and escalate to a new level.

While the issues explored between HiraKiyo are not new, the interplay is refreshingly intriguing. What I love about this drama is that gender is not even a conflict driver. Instead, it focuses on issues that are deeply rooted in their trauma that drive their behaviors and lead to their frustrations, misunderstandings, and pain. Hira has self-value, self-worth, and self-confidence issues so he sees Kioyi as a king and idolizes him as a god. He enjoys serving Kiyoi and often apologizes to please him. As a result, he’s blind to Kiyoi’s feelings and makes things unnecessarily difficult for them to declare their love and be together. Kioyi, on the other hand, has issues with abandonment, trust, and vulnerability. He copes by projecting a strong, tough exterior and defaults to nonchalant rudeness, lashing out or withdrawing to protect his pride/ego. Since weakness is a trigger for Kiyoi, he represses his feelings and affection and refuses to be the first to confess or take the lead.

The drama does show character growth for HiraKiyo. The changes are subtle but obvious shifts that are realistic, meaningful, and a step forward for them. In the beginning, HiraKiyo refers to themselves as a rubber ducky forced to drift in filthy water where it doesn't belong. But that mentality slowly changes when they meet and find comfort in each other’s company. They start opening up and sharing things they wouldn’t have otherwise. They also begin to draw strength from each other. Hira comes alive, feels empowered, and views his world with a colorful lens when he is around Kiyoi. His eyes light up, he looks more directly, he smiles more often, he expresses himself more, and he finds courage at times to be a little more daring. As for Kiyoi, Hira helps him realize he can be himself and be powerful. This is more apparent after Hira stands up for him by punching Shirota. Though still temperamental with a foul mouth, he begins to soften up a little more and lets his guard down a little more when he is with Hira. His trajectory ultimately leads him to be vulnerable with Hira when he cries and confesses in the end.

So what’s the takeaway? I learned from a filmmaker a while back that after you watch a film it eventually forms into a single painting. For me, for this drama, it’s the scene in Ep3 where Kiyoi lets Hira kiss his hand in the classroom with just the two of them. It’s a perfect summary of a message I walked away with: Sometimes it’s hard to define what love is but surrendering yourself will reveal everything. This can be applied to watching BL dramas too: Sometimes it’s hard to decide if a BL drama is worth watching by reading the synopsis or reviews but diving in will reveal everything. So stop reading and start watching to find out if you’ll fall in love with this series as I did.

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