It's Okay to Not Be Okay (2020)

Earnest tearjerker despite some issues

I don't think I've ever watched a show before where the majority of episodes made me cry, but this is it. This was my first Kdrama, since I've been trying to diversify the Cdrama-heavy landscape of my Asian drama watching, so I had no idea what I was getting into. So I was pleasantly surprised to find myself really invested in this story and the characters, both laughing out loud and crying ugly tears at turns.

Now, this show is touted as one that pioneers discussion around mental health issues. Is it that groundbreaking? Not really, at least not in the world of international media. I admire the show's efforts to define medical terms, to show that therapy is necessary and important, and to humanize people with mental health issues (e.g. PTSD, alcoholism, autism). However, there's still many issues with its portrayals of the world of mental health care. The show is still often in danger of perpetuating stereotypes about various mental health issues/disorders, and there are times when I feel the healthcare workers in the show, including Doctor Oh, behaved problematically, unprofessionally and were sometimes straight-up unethical. There were important themes that were introduced but not well-explored, like those of addiction, and the long painful process that therapy often is. Nonetheless, I think a show like this is important to have in East Asia, where mental health is still a taboo subject - and hey, it's hard to find a show even in Western media that accurately portrays mental health issues and the therapy process.

On its own, this show is a fantastic and authentic portrayal of healing from trauma, and finding your own identity despite seemingly pre-determining forces. Ko Moon-young has a mother who I would describe as deeply narcissistic - she sees her daughter as an extension of herself, and did her darndest to suppress Moon-young's emotional growth during her childhood (this dynamic kind of reminded me of Ms. Havisham and Estella from Great Expectations?). Gang-tae has spent his whole life as his brother Sang-tae's keeper, an unhealthy situation that's exacerbated by them becoming orphans at a young age. I really loved seeing these three characters form and grow genuine relationships with each other, as well as their conflicts that often went to fraught, and even vicious places. Concerning the romance between Moon-young and Gang-Tae, I was pretty worried it would be a toxic relationship framed as a romantic one - and oh man it's toxic at the start! - but the show was surprisingly good at showing its evolution into a mutually healing relationship. There were parts that were a bit cheesy and felt hastily thrown together - but it's fine, I'll take it. Sang-Tae is great, and his character arc is so rewarding. He's kind of a character stereotype of the autistic man with an idetic memory and savant-like abilities, but the show handles him with such tenderness and grace. Oh Jung-Se is fantastic at bringing out this character's vulnerability, warmth, and moments of genuine strength. In fact all three of these actors are excellent and I admire their willingness to take their character moments to raw and uncomfortable places many times during this show.

(By the way, I loved Ko Moon-young's fashion, especially her witchy wardrobe at the beginning. I liked that her clothes became lighter and less ostentatious as the show progressed, but I did miss those dark witchy dresses.)

Generally I loved how grounded and human most of the characters were in this show. They all make mistakes and sometimes even have crippling flaws, but ultimately mean well in their own way. I ended up sympathizing with characters I didn't even expect to care about, like Sang-in, who was kind of a buffoon in the beginning, or Joo-ri, who just seemed like the third corner of a love triangle at first. Even characters I dismissed as irrelevant wankers turned out to have vulnerabilities and completely understandable motivations.

Even if the mental health themes were thoroughly explored, there were other really interesting recurring themes that the show explored really well. Food as proxy for emotional warmth is recurring motif, and reflects how characters like Ko Moon-young accept care from others even if they can't verbally express the need. There's also a theme of stories and fairy tales as ways of communicating with the world about life. Another big theme is parenthood - there are lots of parents in this show, and for the most part they all approach parenthood in the best way they know how. We go from the grounded and loving parenting style from Joo-ri's mother, to the flawed but well-meaning style of the two brothers, to the deeply toxic and domineering style of Moon-young's mother Do Hui-jae. I especially appreciated that with respect to Sang-tae and Gang-tae's mother, we can see how much Gang-tae was hurt by her investment of energy in Sang-tae over him, but also how in retrospect she really loved him just as much and tried to be a good parent to him as well. If I were to expand on this theme I would have had the show explore the psychology of Do Hui-jae's narcissism and how that realized itself in her parenting.

This brings me to what I think is the biggest flaw of the show *SPOILERS AHEAD*

So I liked when Do Hui-jae was just this spectre who cast a shadow over the three main characters' lives - I liked the choice to not reveal her face for most of the show, which made her scenes that much more eerie. That way, she was more of a symbol for the amorphous nature of trauma and how it can shape your life without explicitly being present. But the moment she became a real person and became this typical horror villain who laughs maniacally, she was so much harder to take seriously. I waited for the show to add some complexity to her like they did with other characters, but unfortunately that did not happen. In a show that features such complex, human characters, Do Hui-jae just didn't fit in. The final arc where she shows up, messes up Sang-tae's painting and has a final showdown with the three mains felt like an aberration on the rest of the much more grounded story. The fairly high quality of the other episodes makes this much more frustrating - I probably would have rated this show a 9 or even a 10 if not for this set of three episodes. I wish the writers had found a way to make her presence remain ambiguous, or to make her a more nuanced character, but I guess we can't have everything.

But nonetheless this is great and moving show that comes across and authentic and earnest, and I definitely wouldn't be against watching it again.

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