My Damn Business (2024)

[Updated] The Ten Commandments of KBLs

These are the commandments that have been handed down to us by the gods of Korean BLs. They shall be the commandments by which any present and all future KBLs may be judged. (N. B. See below for an explanation of my ratings.)

1. Thou shalt not kiss. Thou shalt not, in any meaningful sense of that word, "kiss". Thou mayst, however, press thy lips against another man’s as you would a leper’s.

2. Thou shalt not utter the word ‘gay’. For it is a sin. Thou mayst love another man, but if any man shall ask of you if you do, thou mayst answer, “I like not men, I like only you.”

3. Thou shalt refrain from all carnal desires. For it is a sin. The submissive shall resist all attempts at intimacy, and the dominant may not pursue the submissive unless it is known that all his attempts shall prove fruitless. (Aptly mayst thou call this 'ironical'.)

4. Thou shalt respect the difference in height between the dominant and the submissive. Six inches will suffice, a foot too much, three inches too little. As below, so above.

5. Remember thou that there exist only three acceptable settings for a KBL. School, university, and office. For these do encompass all of life. Thou shalt invest thy characters in white jackets with blue borders if at school, leather jackets and hooded sweaters at university, and ill-fitted suits for work.

6. Remember thou that there exist only three acceptable plots for a KBL. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, and (adopted) brothers to lovers. Thou shalt entertain no other plots besides these.

7. Thou shalt employ no actor that is not thin, wanting of water, and starved for nutriments. The actors must have defined chests, six (or better yet, eight) pack abdominals, and flawless skin. Thou mayst coat the skin with three inches of wall paint to whitewash all flaws.

8. The writer shall inscribe in each tale at least one instance of timejump, forced separation or miscommunication. The unimaginative shall employ all three.

9. Thou shalt choose from among the following ornaments at least three to embellish thy tale: the slipping towel, the towel bath, an accidental fall or catch, sleeping-beauty false-kiss, somnolent confession, gentle lock-of-hair restoration, alcoholic amnesia, and rain-born fever.

10. Thou shalt by no means indicate homophobia in thy tale — in this, our most homophobic realm — unless it furthereth thy plot and our cynical purpose. Friends and family shall be universally supportive, unless it force a separation between thy characters. Remember thou always that this is a world of pandering fantasy, not reality.

Biblical Proportions:
Commandments Broken: 1 (!!!).
Commandments Obeyed: 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Ratings:
*For the first commandment broken, I'll add a whole extra star. Again, what?!? They're allowed to do this in KBLs?
*For each of the commandments obeyed, I'll deduct half a point from the story, which brings it down to 1.
*I'll give the cast a 6, purely because I'm in love with Jung Jae Bin. But because I didn't get to see him shirtless, one point deducted. As for Jeon Yu Bin, did he have to look so constipated all the time?
*Was there music in this show? I don't remember.
*I'll give 5 stars for 'rewatch value', because I'm going to watch that kiss over and over and over again.

Reader's Digest:
DO SAY: I am the Lord, thy God.
DON'T SAY: Thou shalt lie with mankind as with womankind. That is love. Scratch that. That's fucking sexy.

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