Probably the most fitting title for a drama ever

Brace yourselves this is going to be personal, it may be long, it may not and I will start off with the main points before I get personal, and have the one potential spoiler...

This drama is one of the dramas that made me cry the most tears, making me understand why so many still mention it whenever people ask for tear-jerkers. The drama i s touching, most of the characters are lovable and if not always lovable they are most definitely relatable or just realistic showing a whole spectrum of ways to act around people with disabilities. It is touching it is sweet, it is frustrating and it is the type of drama that will make you both cry and get pissed off at the world.
There where several things that did bother me, among them where how little most of the grown ups believed in their children as well as how many parents acted. I hope this was embellished, and that people are not like that in real life but well you never know, however I will just say that it bothered me and leave it at that, was one thing that bothered me that I want to write about before I move over to the even more personal thoughts I want to just put it out there that I honestly wish people would stop feeling inspired by others handle their misfortunes or use that as an excuse or whatever to think over their lives choices. I am not saying not to get inspiration from others, but the reason should not be despite (insert whatever word) it should be wow that is great writing... I wish people who watch this type of dramas would just skip the inspiration and find the relation instead. Asking you to focus on finding common ground and something that you can relate too. From focusing on the inspiration to focusing on being able to relate or try to understand what people are going thru... when I got a recycled heart I got a (matching )necklace with the words "Not your inspiration" from one of my BFFs who also had her share of time in hospitals. Being able to relate is not the same as finding inspiration, relate we are equal, inspiration may have a positive tone to it but it creates distance between us.

But anyway if you are looking for something painful that you most probably can relate to, this drama is definitely worth a try.

Here to the more personal stuff
The drama shows clearly many of the struggles and honest thoughts a person may have when being diagnosed with an incurable disease at an early age. This brought back allot of memories, I more or less buried with my old heart. I got my first diagnosis for an incurable disease when I was 7, and had a cardiac arrest when I was 12. Not att all the same disease and in all fairness other than having to get revived (meds, restrictions, nose bleeds, and a bunch of scars) my disease was just there, nothing I was ashamed of, if someone asked id tell them but not much more.

However when I got older, my heart started to fail and even though I was in my 20s and was already a mom (to a 6 month old), and aware of having a heart disease I thought it was under control and that I would be fine… as a teen I never thought I'd live past 40 but in my 20s I had a job I loved, a family, I was very active and remodeling an old house etc. Life was far from perfect but It was pretty average. Until I started to witness how my body starting to fail me, just like her, in the beginning it was not that serious (I am not going to go in to every detail) but about allot of medical exams, and a year later the word “ heart failure” showed up for the first time on my sick leave note… the words you will probably never be able to work with your job and we can only slow down the progression that is going faster than we planned… to be honest it was just my heart and the heart is just a pump, a pretty important one that effects every single part of the body but essentially it is just a pump.

I got a twitter account while I was at the hospital and much like her I wrote my thoughts, I went to physical therapy 1 hour away from home in a cab because it was the only place i felt safe enough to exercise having my doctor in the same hospital in case my condition got worse (which It did, several times), until I got so ill I couldn't continue. I thought similar thoughts as her, that my loved ones would live better lives if I was not there,I felt like I was useless, but I also kept writing for some reason, nothing inspirational but more uninspirational. I could relate to the lack of understanding when the disability was not visible yet. I could relate to the showing a positive attitude while feeling that it sucked, the looks after I got my wheelchair… There was so much relatable content that i just could not help but cry a lot. I also got so sick that I could hardly eat or speak but I kept writing.. .And did my best, I really did but my heart just kept getting worse...

A part of me was so fed up that I honestly wanted to die, but I kept on living. It was not because I was strong, or possessed some super power… Even if I used a lot of humor and would say I was a fun patient. But it was not like I would have died if I handled it otherwise. As a sick person you are in need of help, active or not the illness does not give a **** about how much you want to live or die. I honestly wanted to toss all my meds in trash at one point. But I got put on the waiting list instead. To be honest towards the end I was just passing the time waiting to die or get a heart, bored (I had not discovered dramas yet) and just waiting for a change… Any change (and at times it felt pretty near).

Yes I could really relate to her but at the same time the ending pissed the hell out of me. Here we had had a portrayal of a human with hopes, dreams and loved the way she is. A person struggling, allowed to cry, allowed to laugh, shown to have a whole range of emotions. And they end it with look how many people you inspired. So it pissed me off. Many people probably cried here, I just got mad and felt like it ruined it for me. She inspired so many to love their lives, I am gonna live for her bla bla bla.. Just no people. Live your own lives you only have one (okay I got a bunch, but still it is your life). Being kind and trying your best should not depend on if you got inspired by a pooor, poor person who did not get to live the life they wanted…. you are you, that person is that person etc… able bodied or not you are a person worthy of an average life, with material needs, relationships, hopes, interests etc. You able bodied person I am sure you too can find strength within to live your life I believe in you!

Okay that is enough for now… Just remember that people with illness are people too...

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