it started off really well…

i liked the drama quite a lot at the start, around ep 1-11? i especially liked how they embedded quotes and metaphors into the show, ie room 19, or the quote about how it would be better to be seen as a crazy b’tch than a pathetic wench. well a lot of these stories/quotes took quite some time for me to wrap my head around but that was the fun of the show imo. slowly figuring out what they mean through the scenes they showed us was definitely enjoyable, it was the main reason why i rated the plot as a 7.
i really loved nam sehee, how he was awkward but sincere, he’s bad with words but his affection shows anyway. episode 11 where he was stunned after meeting his ex again but showed more concern towards jiho and made her tea :((
i think ceo ma and sooji definitely CARRIEDD the show towards the end, i was just much more invested in them. in comparison, horang and wonseok were so toxic. they had completely different things they wanted and they were stressed out by their differences. i really dont think it would have worked out, they were just pressuring each other and straining themselves in the name of love. i cant believe they got back together. in comparison to sooji, horang was just portrayed a lot more dumber and just childish imo?? i didnt like how they portrayed how she wanted to get married so badly or maybe it’s my fault for not understanding the desire to get married.

compared to how much i liked sehee, i think jiho definitely paled in comparison. she constantly looks lost and half of the time i cannot comprehend her actions, especially towards the end. i even preferred the ex at some point LOL because she was cooler and more mature imo. the two exes talked it out calmly and maturely like adults should and jiho the stupid idiot ran away in the name of “love”, completely unnecessarily hurting sehee in the process. she’s so questionable, she goes around telling everyone (the ex, the father-in-law etc) that shes in love with sehee, then LITERALLY RIGHT AFTER THAT tells sehee that she wants to divorce. most heartbreakingly, that was the day sehee was going to confess, for the first time in his life.. and he was to forced to hold it back and got his heartbroken after he finally opened up. i cannot forgive her for breaking his heart like that. she’s running around like a headless chicken i cant understand her intentions, why is she hurting herself and the one she loves for no reason?? it was seriously upsetting watching her have fun at the sauna with horang when sehee legit looks like he was on the verge of death… he literally felt depressed man,, eating half cooked chicken and saying he didnt care so as long it filled his stomach, walking around and seeing jiho’s shadow everywhere.. it was so unfair that only sehee actually seemed to be suffering when jiho was just chilling?? having fun?? directing her own sad play?????????????? unbelievable tbh. and she came back to his old house and acted so frustrated he moved away and incredulously kept saying “why” like the whole bloody audience doesnt know youre the problem :)
was it because it wasnt working out? it was just hurting her?? i feel like it could have been clearer and not like im just throwing blind guesses in the dark trying to understand her. understandably, that contract had to end in a way, if they actually want to get together properly. was it meant to represent a fresh start? all it felt like was her directing her own play and running away on her own and causing sehee pain. could she not have communicated that she wanted a break and then a fresh start?? instead of leaving him depressed as shit and coming back looking for him saying she wants to confess… an actual clown ??
but then again, as the title said, this is her first life, it’s everyone’s first lives. maybe she couldnt execute the clean start properly because of this? ugh this drama makes me feel so lost towards the end. but shouldnt she at least be as heartbroken and depressed as sehee… that really broke my heart because it felt so unfair ??
i swear i have NEVER EVER EVER disliked a drama mc more than the love interest before:( i always hate the love int first because its portrayed in the mc’s pov,, it just seems to justify most actions
but HOLY SHIT JIHO you are a breath of fresh air!! i cant understand her and i ended up hating her after ep 13… how did she go from being so likeable to such a hateful toxic walking red flag at the end :)
anyways as you can see, it really kills you towards the end for me. still a great drama?? it just might not be for me?? maybe im not at the age/maturity to understand love and marriage problems as portrayed in the drama. maybe ill come back when im 30 and ill finally understand it :) or i could still hate after ep 13 jiho

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