Kii
Because This is My First Life
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Spoilers!!!!Beautiful story and concept but the ending with how the main couple gets back together was extremely toxic.
I really enjoyed this drama. Loved the storylines and the chemistry between each of the couples was wonderful. The ensemble felt very flowing. The conclusion that love and marriage can look different to everybody and you just have to work that out between partners was amazing.
However, I have a big issue with one of the message about relationships; we learn that Ji Ho knew that Se Hee was going to confess before she decided to end the contract and move out. She tells everyone else that she loves him but wants him to open up his most vulnerable self to her. But, she doesn't tell him that. Instead, she lies about why she's leaving. She could have said, "I want to end the contract because I'm having feelings. Can we talk about that and whether you are, too, and whether we want to be a real couple?" Instead, she tortures him. Knowing that he's in love with her, she leads him to believe she is traveling far away and has ended everything. Also knowing that a lot of his pain is from having been abandoned by someone he loved before. He's literally in a bad emotional state and I'd argue in a state of actual depression. Meanwhile, she's having fun in Seoul at the hostel and with her friends. Laughing it up at the sauna, etc.
When they are reunited, she doesn't wake him up to talk. She talks to him while he's half asleep, thinking he's dreaming. When he wakes up, she acts as if its completely normal that she's there doing laundry and making breakfast. He's rightfully angry. She smiles. He's rightfully angry that she's smiling. But, somehow, she gets to apologize with a smile on her face and be happy that he's angry and its all okay?
If someone had done this to me, I'd be over them. It was manipulative and cruel. It was TOXIC. I'd never trust her again. Here was this man who, despite his wounds, was always considerate and kind. He was definitely overly-cautious. But, he was so respectful of boundaries. He was protective. In his shocked state, after seeing his ex, he still thought to make her some tea. You don't always need words to know that someone loves you. Those actions are far more telling. If you fell in love with this person, why are trying to make him be different? And, if you need something from him, why don't you just say so instead of this cruel, underhanded behavior?
I really loved the chemistry between them up until this point. I never understood why she took the route she did. I agreed with her mother, "you're talking crap." She's wrapping up her destructive behavior in the romanticized metaphor of a story about a woman who ended up committing suicide. What the heck?
Why does everyone find what she did romantic? I ended up not liking her and worried about what else she might do in the future if things weren't going her way. She's actually a little twisted. It bothers me that no one is critical of this. That this is seen as something to aspire to. Don't treat people the way she did.
This is a shame. Crappy plot devices meant to drag the show's run time is what honestly ruined a top 5 drama for me. It was a complete disrespect for everything the drama stood for, especially in terms of characters and breaking cliches. But most importantly, it was a disrespect of the values this show held of how to make a strong relationship: Honesty and communication. This show spoke a lot about those concepts and the ending of it completely takes a hard dump on all of that. If your plot device/cliche could be cleared up by one sentence, you've already lost.
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Bad Ending and Bad Message of the Show?
I've only seen a few reviews critique this, so I would really like to make my own review and point this out myself....while I personally loved the things most people disliked, including slow-pace and the 'small town' vibes, I did not like how this show ended. I feel like this whole contrived "main romance couple must split up" cliche is way overdone in dramas; it's very frustrating. Even so, I can tolerate it if it makes any sense. Hae Won was miserable in the city, couldn't find a good job, and was happy with Eun Sub, and chose to break up with him and forget him?? He did not deserve that at all, it was honestly super effed up. She had just yelled at her aunt about families sharing pain, and as soon as she had an issue she completely ditched Eun Sub. She opened his heart and made him love her even more and then just ditched him. Felt like she just used him to get forward emotionally throughout the whole drama. And now what? Is she only staying a short time, and just going to ditch him again? The ending did not make it clear how long she planned to stay. I want to rate this drama good since it still made me happy but the ending just made the main female seem like the whole drama and romance was a lie or just something for her to pass the time. Meanwhile Eun Sub literally has had trauma and fears his entire life of being abandoned and ditched, and she did just that because she know he would continue loving her regardless. I'm sorry but I just cannot get behind this ending, because it really ruined the entire show for me. I'm so angry and disappointed right now.As another quick note, I saw very little chemistry between the leads. I understand that Eun Sub cannot express his love as openly as other people can, and I really appreciated Seo Kang Joon's amazing acting for the overlooked but important things like that and his versatility as always. However, I simply sensed very little chemistry from them at all. It's weird because I always thought chemistry came with great actors, but really after seeing this drama I understand the concept of chemistry now. They're both amazing actors and yet I felt as if their chemistry was garbage. Maybe both actors or one or the other failed to convince me that they loved the other. Not sure what it was, but it honestly felt a little souless.
The story was handled carelessly not only in the ending romance but its depiction of abuse victims. Someone reviewed this more thoroughly than me, but the way this show portrays victims of a monster and the way it creates sympathy for an abuser just because he was nice to other people is seriously damaging. It's quite awful to see such archaic viewpoints coming out of a first world and developed country like South Korea. This way of thinking is why abuses of all nature are not reported, but especially so coming from women and wives in households. I don't wish to elaborate further because this honestly would make me rage and cuss. This depiction of the aunt and mom being in the wrong for literally defending themselves is sickening and wrong. This is patriarchy at its finest, and S. Korea needs to do better as a society. It's effing shameful.
I want to make it very clear that just because someone is kind half, or even most of the time, but still abuses another creature, they are still trash and an abuser. They are not "complex" or "hard to understand" or "not like other people", they are a monster plain out and simple. And if you are an abuse victim or knows anybody that is, you have the right to defend yourself. You have the right to defend yourself and you do not deserve to be treated like this, ever. Just because you care for someone or they're sometimes nice, or even if you have a child/family together, it does not make their actions okay. They are a monster who needs to be stopped and doesn't deserve sympathy. Even if you do not want legal action to happen, even in jail there are ways for people like that to get psychological help to become better. Do not spend your life away and time you'll never get back by staying around an abuser. Get help and send secret messages if you must. Seriously, screw this show for promoting this sort of thinking.
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Good Actors, Bad Drama
I honestly regret sinking the time I did into this drama. The story was garbage due to bad character writing and development. The characters and overarching plot had everything laid out to be something unique and a good drama; they really could've made this into a masterpiece. Instead, they chose the worst way to go about telling this story. If you have to throw common sense out the window and dumb down your characters in order for the plot to work..then your plot doesn't work. If you have to have a bad guy "oops" and casually mention something they shouldn't have in order for the plot to work...your plot doesn't work. The writers not only disrespected us viewers, the actors, the crew that works 12+ hour days tirelessly on set for months and months, but also themselves by writing such a cheap story this way. Writing your characters to be beyond stupid might make your job easier as a writer, but people will no longer be interested in your story. No one likes cheap plot tricks; no one. There's a difference between dumb decisions/character naivety and just plain stupidity that's clearly made to push the plot forward. 99.9% of issues could've been avoided had the characters used common sense befitting that of any intelligent life on planet Earth. To me, that is the definition of bad writing.I found it really hard to watch; if dramas start to get frustrating for me, I speed them up to get through it quicker. Normally I try not to speed it up so quickly so that I can still retain details. Well this is the fastest I've sped up anything, including my college video lectures. I had to watch the last few episodes in 2.5x speed in order to get through it, I just couldn't take it anymore.
Some things I actually liked about this drama was the music and actors. The actors were the most disrespected in this drama, because their performance was better than this story deserved. To me, Seok Hoon carried this show. I was more interested in Min Woo's plotline at first, but throughout the whole thing was the most fascinated with Seok Hoon as a character. The complexities of his character are honestly amazing and it's the only prop I can give to writers. I personally don't mind the ending "change" but I also think it could be argued that it went against what they had built his character on for 20 episodes. Regardless, his character is one of the most interesting out of any TV and movies I've seen. I am very interested in seeing more of Yeon Jung Hoon because I honestly think he should win an award for this role. (I think that would require someone forcing themselves to sit through 20 hours of foolishness, though.) If you happen to be a fan of the actor, this is a great role to see him in, but be prepared for the rest of the drama you'll painfully have to watch.
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