The Seven Stages of Drama Grief

We’ve all suffered heartache. Loved so unconditionally, only to have the ground pulled beneath us. Feeling like you were falling, and then no one is there to catch you when you hit the ground. I know I have. 

Wait, what? No, I’m not talking about your hook up with a guy! I’m talking about your epic romance with a drama, only for it to finish and leave you empty. The emptiness of knowing nothing can ever compare to it. How do you feel again? How do you love again?

You’re not alone. I have gone through this many times. And I shall go on this journey with you as I have suffered from what I call... Drama Grief. 

Now to all those who have suffered like I, pick a drama. No, pick THE drama. The drama that has taken over your every thought, the drama that makes other dramas look like an episode of Days of our Lives, the drama that has ruined you for any man, the drama that has your heart and soul. 

Okay, picked it. Great. Here we go. Mine is Bridal Mask.

Stage One: Dazed 


Don’t be surprised if you fall into a daze after finishing your drama. It happens with any ending of a drama. You know it’s coming, you just don’t want to believe it. You have all these emotions after watching the last minute. You’re content, you’re happy and sometimes you’re confused, because let’s confess, sometimes the ending of KDramas are confusing. 

This phase varies between person to person. Sometimes the daze lasts only minutes, sometimes even months. You are not in control of your action whilst in the daze, therefore you do a number of things to stalk the drama out, try to hold on to it for longer. The actors, what other dramas they’ve been in. The OST, cause you loved that song. Read reviews and leave comments about drama.

“OMG! I need to find that song! It was soo good in the drama and perfect. I could really feel Kang To’s pain. What is it! Hmmm.... Goodbye Day?” 

Two minutes later... singing* “Goodddbyee Day...Sahrang something, something!”

Dos/Don’ts:

• Do step away from your computer right after finishing drama. Get some fresh air.
• Don’t stalk it out or go on facebook, youtube or any blogs. 

Stage Two: Denial  


Denial is rejection to reality and therefore if you don't accept the heartbreak, then it never really happened. During this stage of a grief you’ll believe you’re fine that you are ready for another drama. Don’t fool yourself. It is common to directly jump into another drama after in an effort to put dealing with the heartbreak of the drama ending on hold. However this has dire consequences. 

It is only after watching a new drama we realise that you’re grieving. While watching the drama you will compare it to the previous drama. From actor to the writers. This drama is nothing compared to its precursor. You will not appreciate the new drama, even though it might be good. You may keep looking more a new drama and then realise... you’ve already seen the best one out there. 

Drama #1: “Okay, what’s this drama? Oh, hmm. Oh, just romcom. No action, no drama, no comedy, no angst. Bridal Mask had it all. Why are they at this pub, why can’t they go to Angel Club. Bridal masked had more depth. This bromance sucks, Shunji would have totally not done that to Kang To. I don’t like this. New drama.”

Drama #2: “Joo Won would have played this guy differently. Why is the mum so mean to her son, like I understood it in Bridal Mask and even then she still loved him. God, Bridal Mask was good. Why is the second female lead such a B***h. I miss Rie! Damn it, I can’t continue this.”

Drama #45: “This song is all wrong, where’s Goodbye Day. It would be so much better if the Bridal Mask came.”

“I can’t do this! I can’t! I’m sorry! It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve all ready given my heart to... Bridal Mask.”

Dos/Don’ts:

• Do open up to a blog or trusted friend to begin unleashing fears, identifying unreasonable thoughts and more.
• Don’t minimize the situation. Pretending your breakup doesn't have to be dealt with will lead to emotional numbness and leave you stuck.

Stage Three: Isolation 

 
You just realised that you miss your drama. You may replay the drama over and over in your mind, remembering your favourite parts and character. Your thoughts may feel very scattered and disorganized. This stage of grief has you in withdrawal; you don't even feel like watching new dramas or doing anything else. You may draw your blinds and not even want to leave the house. Sitting in silence, darkness or a pint of ice cream feels better than going outside and admitting to the world that, yes, it's over. 

Dos/Don’ts:

• Do take regular showers and create reasons to face the day (work, social activities).
• Don’t re-watch the drama

Stage Four: Anger



In this stage, your heart goes from sad to raging mad. It becomes fuelled with anger towards everything that comes into contact with you. Friends, family and even maybe the writers, for writing such an awesome drama. 

BFF: “Why are the blinds close?” opens them up, light blazes into cold room.
Me: “hisss”
BFF: “What’s wrong?”
Me: “Like you care.”
BFF: “I do care.”
ME: “If you really cared you’d watch Bridal Mask.”
BFF: “I will, I have assignments and exams on. So do you.”
Me: “Why don’t you admit it? You hate me!”
BFF: “What? No. I’m going to watch it after City Hunter, promise.”
ME: “Ohhh... City Hunter.... City Hunter Sucks!”
BFF: “What? You love City Hunter. Remember Lee Min Ho from Boys Over Flowers, you know your favourite drama?
ME: “Bridal Mask is wayyyy better than stupid Boys over Flowers. Lee Min Ho sucks.”
BFF: Gasps in horror. “You love him!”
Me: “He’s no Joo Won.”
BFF: “Who?”
ME: Glares at BFF and then screams in agony with fist clenched. “GAKSITAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
BFF runs away...

Dos/Don’ts:

• Do feel, write or talk about your anger.
• Don’t act on it.

Stage Five: Bargaining 


This stage is often about feeling the same emotions you did when watching the drama. Desperate to negotiate with yourself, you re-watch the drama in the name of ‘closure’, but when in truth, it is just about making the current pain go away. However, you are unaware of the repercussions after you finish it, again. 

“If I watch it again, I’ll notice that bad things I didn’t notice the first time.” 


“I’ll only re-watch a few episodes. Just the important ones."

Dos/Don’ts:

• Do go on Mydramalist.com and look at old dramas that made you happy and new dramas you’re planning to watch.
• Don’t re-watch it, it’s over. You have to move on. Rewatching it will only cause more pain, you got to heal, you need to heal.

Phase Six: Depression  


You realize the magnitude of your loss in this stage of grief, and it can feel all too overwhelming. You may wind up in a state of deep sadness that can even resemble mild depression. At this point, recalling what your life was like prior to the drama or what it could be like post-drama can be hard. Just turning on the computer or opening web browser feels difficult, and you may even feel physical aches and pains perpetuated by deep feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and sadness.

"I will never find another drama."


“What now? What did I do before this? Where there other things?”

Dos/Don’ts:

• Do surround yourself with positive people and lots of sunshine.
• Don’t fall victim to unhealthy behaviours such as binge eating or drinking.

Stage Seven: Acceptance  


The acceptance phase of your grief is like a new awakening and makes all the other phases worth it. This is the one that finally gives you that welcome sense of exhalation. You come to realize what the past meant and what the future can hold. The sun begins to shine, and you begin to feel like yourself again, ready to move onward and upward... to a new one. 

"I understand why I loved the drama, and accept it is over now. I know that I will be better than just OK."

Dos/Don’ts:
• Do celebrate getting through your grief and watch a new drama.
• Don’t be surprised if you still feel moments of sadness from time to time; it's normal. Just keep on your positive path!

So what dramas have thrown you through the Seven Stages of Drama Grief?